Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Do I Stay or Do I Go Now?

While it's true that i love being the author of my life, sometimes it's really, really hard to decide what to do with said life. Right now, i am loving living in Nicaragua where i can afford to pay someone to clean my toilets, and where i get to swim outdoors in December. I heart the tropics.

I have hit my stride and i'm loving it here -- to the point where i dread the stress and the money strains that will come when we return home. In short, i was even thinking of staying.

The rebelangel, on the other hand, is counting down the days until we leave. With constant connectivity via FaceTime, email, iMessage and the rest, she gets to see every day what she's missing out on back home. Her friends talk about stuff that she doesn't get to take part in, and it bothers her. I tell her she wouldn't get to be part of everything even if she was there. There are limits, i say. She tells me she misses having lots of friends. I point out that friends here are constantly coming to the door. She says she misses being cold. I ask her what about that boogie board she was hoping to get, on account of her newfound love of riding Pacific waves?

I try to counter her every argument with a rosy-hued view of how good we have it here, but it doesn't always work. Sometimes, i wish for an ally to back me up. I've tried getting out more, and even online dating, but i haven't found the right one yet.

Maybe it's not even that i need someone to help me convince her, but that i need someone to help me make decisions. Am i making the right ones? Am i mad to leave our family and friends? What about the fact that i can actually save money here and that having sun on my skin every day makes me feel more alive?

But back to the little issues at hand. Like a 1950s, strict parent, i have to finally resort to saying that as the parent, what i say goes... even if i am not really sure whether to stay, to go, to put my foot down, or to just let it hang from the hammock...

4 comments:

April said...

Just a friendly suggestion. Maybe she just needs to be validated in her feelings. Maybe instead of countering her thoughts, let her know that you hear her. It's a fine line between being empathetic, and encouraging misery, but maybe just a conversation about the cons and pros will help you, too.

Nico said...

You have a point, April! I think we might have gotten to this point because i've encouraged her in the past to feel like we are on even ground in family decision making because... so now when i have to really be the one to make a big decision and i take that power away, it gets sticky. We are going to work on a goals poster soon, so that's probably a good time to discuss pros and cons too... Thanks!

Lapcare Chemmad said...
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#jessicahateshashtags said...

I sent another package yesterday. The post office cats in MSP said if it didn't arrive in four weeks it wasn't going to, so seven weeks last time to me means they were taking their sweet time getting you that notice it was ready for pick up at your post office. If it isn't there in four to five weeks, go to the post office and start asking around for this one. It has some little stuff for your baby bear, too. Is she getting care packages, too, just for her? Now that I've left home, the surplus of mail I'm sending vs. complete lack of mail I'm getting is a little disheartening and does make me feel very disconnected and disappointed. See if you can coax some pals back home to send her some/additional care packages of her own to ease the tension, and to do it ASAP because Xmas is coming. The biggest price jump happens after 4lbs. That 4lbs includes the box, contents, shippings supplies, and even the customs form. The digital world is great and all, but tangible, physical things will mean all the world more to her right now. It's just a thought...