Saturday, January 26, 2013

O Man: Failing Fathers and their Effect on Kids

I've always been concerned with the way my daughter is one day going to view men. Someday she's going to stop looking them as "grown-ups" and instead see them as "prospects." What will she see? What standards will she hold them up to?

I grew up with a strong dad, a military man, engineer, a pillar of our community and a mentor to many young people. I'm proud of him. I don't have to make excuses for him for why he didn't show up for me for some activity, why he didn't have money to pay for something i wanted to do, or why he doesn't lead the life he says he wants to lead. He never failed in any of that.

Unfortunately, that's not the case for my daughter. Her father does all of those things, and she makes endless excuses. I guess that's child-love, and it freaks me out. Fuuuucck -- why did i breed with this flopping disappointment of a man?

There's nothing to be done about that now, except surround her with other great people. I can't help that her self-esteem and sense of self is ever tied to this person who claims to live life outside of the realm of "regular" people -- some drug-addled version of reality based on a "deeper understanding" of the world, and being "conscious" enough to stay out of the fray of consumerism and career-driven stress.

I hold my own strong opinions about how we can all escape the matrix of wanting too much and caring too much about our careers, but i really think his approach is bullshit. In reality, i think he uses that rhetoric because he's incapable of doing the real work it takes to succeed in caring for a family.  Hear me there -- i didn't say he's incapable of succeeding -- but that he's incapable of doing the legwork.

I somehow thought my daughter and i would both be redeemed when i was able to bring some other great man into her life, to act as the father figure her own biological one just can't seem to muster. But i'm failing in that regard i guess too. Tick tock.

O wait, but then i have to remember that i, with that great father figure, still chose badly when it was my turn. So does it all matter? Are we doomed, as rebels, to do the opposite of what we are taught? And are the non-rebels just doomed to make the same mistakes as their forebears?

Another reason, i suppose, i embrace this little revolutionary, and foster her rebellious nature...

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