Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Little Pill

I'm barely hanging on,
but
one little pill is keeping me on the boat.

It's been one of those days when it's all just too much -- the defiant child making one too many stabs at defiance, the various jobs spreading me thin all over the metro area, scraping together a dinner before the next school event this evening... i operate as if it was required that we attend this social gathering even after our long day; the kiddo's two-year old sister in tow, both of them poking and whining and bubbling into meltdown mode on the ten-minute drive. I have little good to say; the muttering mother uttering nothing motherly.

On these days i am the coffee cake
one dry hour away from
becoming a pile of crumbs.

When we get home there are more outbursts and eruptions and i blame myself for not keeping it all together. As i gulp down a handful of vitamins i wonder if i can survive this. Ha. On the radio this day are Gazans living under siege, Haitians reeling from another disaster, Sudanese maybe never going back home again -- and here i am, whining about bratty kids and too much work. Too much abundance. Ha.

The acceptance that my life is at least comparatively good is the first step toward giving the crumbs some form again. The second is this handful of vitamins. They signal my effort to honor myself.

One little pill, or two or three, swallowed with the intention of taking care of one's self. A puja to yourself is the tighter grip on the hull.

I'm barely hanging on,
but
one little pill is keeping me on the boat.

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