Not that i am proud of being that way.
But today i am sitting at the computer with a smile on my face and a few tears threatening to pop out of my eyes, because i finally heard from a friend who i haven't spoken to since 1999. She and i had some disagreements about whose man was whose back in the day, and haven't spoken since. This after living together for almost two years, bouncing around Portland together when living in Portland was only a pipe dream, and doing all the things that best friends do. Then one day, i found out something i didn't need to know. And i dropped her.
It seemed so simple at the time. Someone crosses you and you cross back. Or you walk away. But now that i've found her again, it makes me wonder what all that negative effort was for. Did i really need to expunge all trace of her from my life? Did i really need to spend so much time lamenting about how she'd hurt me, so that ten years down the road i could just forget again and try to Google her name to find her?
Granted, there are some things that people do that can't be forgiven. But as the years stretch out, a lot of those things lose their strength, until you're left wondering if losing a friend was worth the effort it took to hate them. This lesson has taught me that life is too short -- i've missed out on the birth of her beautiful daughters, her marriage, her career... all the marking points in life that you want loved ones to share with you. I've forgiven her, and she me, and now we can move on.
Hopefully we have the next 40 years to make up for the last ten.