Friday, June 5, 2009

My Coat of Many Colors


Although we had no money

i was rich as i could be

in my coat of many colors

my mama made for me.

In this great swirl of working on my own i've accomplished a few things. One is playing these Dolly Parton songs again and again and editing this video for the Siren Nation women's music festival. I'm also editing another man's book and establishing a PR campaign for a friend. It's as if the universe has opened up and accepted my grand plan to work from home and go for bike rides in the middle of the day.

And it feels a little strange, this notion of actually getting what you always wanted. There's the fear of some green sea monster about to rise up from the great Pacific and steal it all away. As if i don't really deserve to be happy.

One of my great friends in this town is one of the most righteous women i know. She has a powerful job and a prosperous home and a loving man who dotes on her. So what is wrong with this picture? She feels out of control of her own destiny. Or at least she feels that this is not what she always dreamed she'd have.

So what do i say to her? How do i help her realize her own great happiness, when i myself have only just now begun to realize my own, via a fuck you from my longtime employer?

In this downtrodden economy, the buzz on the street tonight seemed to point toward getting fired. Because drawing the dole is apparently better than serving a master she just doesn't believe in anymore. Not ideal, but it's a start in a new direction.

But it's more than that. It started for me with the fuck you, but what's resulting is the chance to be un-beholden to anyone but me. This has meant wearing a coat of many colors -- but in a mix of hues that delight only myself. A little black and white is the video i just edited. A bit of red is the ink i use to edit that man's book. Some yellow to shoot another group's promo video. Some green and orange, in the pumpkins i'll sell this fall. And pink for the cheeks of my rebelangel, enjoying her summer in the backyard, her mama by her side.

With this palette of colors, i am rich as i could be, though perhaps not in the cold hard cash kind of way. I am rich in freedom.

Now to pass the life preserver out to the next righteous woman, drowning in the cold gray sea...

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