Thursday, February 5, 2009

Master cover letter


Dear Prospective Employer,

I am writing to you desperate, defeated, depleted of resources... but certainly i must be the best applicant for this job. I'm smart, sassy, and cynical -- isn't that what you're looking for in your newest employee? I don't kiss ass, kick ass or take many names; i just plod along, show up on time, believe in good causes and dream about more than what's inside the corporate sphere.

I sneeze repeatedly when i'm at work. I tell myself it's because i'm allergic to working indoors, not allergic to the tasks that i toil at each day. I don't take many sick days but when i do it's usually because my kid is sick, or sick of me being away from her five days a week.

I went to school for the socially-acceptable number of years. Then i circled the globe a couple times. Then i went to school some more. I daydream about the times when i was happiest -- inside the four walls of an institution of higher learning and not out here, where it's impossible to please everyone you are supposed to please, or even know how you are supposed to please them. I am beginning to believe success has nothing to do with what you've done. It has more to do with who likes you on first glance.

So will you let me stand before you -- so you can decide whether you like me at first glance? Will you allow me to shake your confident paw with my cold, scared, shaky one? Will you allow me to come to your place of business, so you may look at the slight wrinkle in my out-of-date suit, listen to the sad clap of my too-big shoes, remark upon the earrings that look slightly hippieish? Will you allow me to tell you why i deserve this job, more than the hundred other desperate denizens of this city, who are sending you a cover letter on this day?

Will you?

Regards,

One of Many

4 comments:

Kaydee said...

nicole dear, have you thought about a PhD? most programs are fully funded scholarships these days including living stipends. it may not be feasible but I just thought of that when you expressed how happy you were when studying. I love your frank writing. I am on the job hunt too as I prepare to graduate. I will start sending you anything I come across that I think you might be interested in. k?

Nicole Vulcan said...

thanks kayds. the thought did cross my mind, and maybe will slide back and forth across my tunnel vision a few more times before i finally say yes.

so is there any possible way you could stay in academia a little longer? i mean that is not to say i don't have full faith in your abilities, it's just that it's so damn ugly out here...
or maybe my myopia is just getting the better of me.
good to hear from you.

Anonymous said...

plagiarism:

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Nico Vee said...

thanks for alerting me to that, anonymous. i let that blogger know that that ain't cool.