Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Dear Red States

Could last night have been any better? OK, maybe it could have, if i would have been in Times Square, or Grant Park in Chicago and not sitting on my couch, glued to the t.v., but it was still pretty phenomenal. Epic. Tear-jerking.

"If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer." B.O., President-Elect.

"Black man gonna be president. If he can do that, and go through what he went through... then I can stand in the rain." A man standing in the rain, waiting to vote in Inglewood, CA:

Here's another piece of video from one of the unsung issues of this election:

Those two were brought to you by Tavis Smiley . I have mad respect for him after seeing him on NBC following the election last night.

Oh, and this article captivated me too, talking about Barack's runup to the election.

Meanwhile, I am praising the Blue Blazes that we don't have to send this out today... but it's still pretty hilarious. I think it sums up what we have been saying, about McCain and Palin appealing to the lowest common denominator:

Dear Red States:

If you manage to steal this election too we've decided we're leaving.We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other BlueStates with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast.We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially tothe people of the new country of New California.To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel, Apple and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Princeton, Yale, Harvard, and Cal. You get Ole' Miss.We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.We get the Yankees, the Red Sox, the Dodgers and the Cubs. You get Nascar.We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire. With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all tele-evangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you. Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties. Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,

Blue States


Jen said...

You are an idiot... just one cog in the wheel of stupidity.

Why don't you have an original thought. That would be so ... refreshing.

Nicole Vulcan said...

your side lost. get over it.

Michael said...

It's great how people are able to share their views and feelings on the INNERWEB:) (me stupid human) Everyone protected by the comforts of their homes and offices, no direct personal contact, just attacks. I believe the "wheel of stupidity" has been attached to a stolen vehicle that has been terrorizing the world with a child in the driver seat. Luckily for us and the rest of the world, the cogs of fear and hatred that have held this wheel together will soon be dismantled, hopefully we can recycle them for the greater good. Way to be a passenger, spreading the love and superior intelligence, like rotten eggs thrown on halloween there Jen.
The only way to heal a wound is to clean and dress it, if you keep scratching off the scab, it'll get infected. Even Indie knows that. Hopefully these poor injured souls can pick themselves up and start to be part of the solution, instead of a large part of the ever growing problem of misinformation and disunity in America. As far as refreshing goes, you should go soak your head for a while. Really cold water works best, but remember not to stay submerged too long. Some people aren't smart enough to know when to come up.

Nicole Vulcan said...

thanks mikey. whichever of my boyz called mikey you are...