Monday, April 7, 2008

You Learn

It's been a profitable week. First the tax man tells me i am getting only four dollars back (the money i banked on for tickets to my sis' wedding), then i almost burned the house down, then my car trailer gets stolen, right from my driveway. I am awash in this muddy rain puddle of thieves and mendicants. And unless i take note of the lessons it's all teaching me, i am on track to be one of them. I am so freaking pissed off that if i verbalize this stuff anywhere but on this keyboard, i may fetch a diagnosis of Tourette's. And my friends likely wonder that about me already -- with my trucker tongue.

But i learn.

I resolve not to be carried down by the petty thieves and disloyal paramours who plague my day to day. Trifling annoyances, merely. I have a pathetic disdain for the people who took my trailer. I felt the same way about being physically brutalized, not so very long ago. A haughty self-righteousness -- for the fact that i do not live by that moral code.

Perhaps too much self-righteousness, but i learn.

One minute you are filing a police report to fix the car that was brutalized, along with your body, and the next thing you know you are getting subpoenas, and your kid is crying "daddy is in jail, and mama put him there," as she wipes green snot on the couch. You learn the laws of the state you live in.

You learn the word "collusion," and ponder who you will collude with:

[Collusion, n.
1. Intentional failure or forbearance to discover a fault or wrongdoing; voluntary oversight; passive consent or co["o]peration.
2. (Law) Corrupt or guilty assent to wrongdoing, not involving actual participation in, but knowledge of, and failure to prevent or oppose it. ]

You learn that cumulus clouds replace the all-day grey, when Oregon spring comes around. Other words you've learned to describe these clouds: heaven clouds. Simpsons clouds.

You find out the man you thought was one of the loftiest warriors on the planet has lows that swing as far as his highs. You know those are great heights, and you learn. No man is infallible.

You begin to live a happy life in dreams. You learn it's just as much a part of your life as the waking hours.

You learn that rajsic foods are hot and spicy, vile. They boil the blood and temper.

You learn that sattvic foods make one even-steven.

You learn because it is the one thing they can't take from you. When the tax man and the bill collectors come pounding at the door, calling at all hours, you turn up your nose because you've learned. They can hunt you down to pay for your education, but they can never take it back.

You've learned and you've learned and you've learned.



Thank gods.

No comments: